the blackhole

This is by far the most annoying, yet secretly hilarious situation that had been consistently happening to me throughout both my pregnancies, predominantly nearing the end. I didn’t share it often, except with my husband, of course, because it was so embarrassing and so annoying but here we go.

I am talking about getting stuck in the bathtub…. 

So, I’m in the bath, unwinding from a long shitty day at work, with my vanilla coconut bath bomb fizzing away, munching on chocolate chips (the dream right? it was.) and I realized the bath got cold. I decided to release the water and stay in the tub to finish my YouTube video while the water let out…. yeah that was a bad idea. I literally got stuck in the tub…. I couldn’t roll over, I couldn’t pull myself up so I kind of just sat there perplexed on how the hell I am supposed to get out. I felt like a beached whale, wiggling, and wobbling in the tub. I eventually just gave up and yelled for my hubs to save me. Think I learned my lesson? Not a chance… literally happened every single time.

Yes, the black hole is the bathtub and yes I had been consistently getting stuck in the dumb thing. But not for reasons you think. No, it is not because I have an itty bitty tub, and no it is not because I was the size of a barge (although I definitely felt that way sometimes) but it was because my back kept giving out from lying down for too long watching YouTube. About 9 times out of 10 I have to call my husband to literally lift me out of the tub (poor guy, I can imagine what seeing my large ass looks like from that angle). You would think I would have gotten up with the water still in the tub and then drain it while I was standing but no of course not, I had to do everything the difficult way.

Before pregnancy, I had lower back pains that would flare up randomly but when I got pregnant it had gotten progressively worse. A lot of days I would get in the bath to relax and calm down the flareups but then it would make them 10x worse because after some time it would just completely seize up and I would get stuck.

Sometimes (ok every single time) I just forget how big and awkward the human body can be. My pride went out the window the second I gave up and my poor hubby coming to rescue his beached whale wife in the porcelain hole of death. Just think how you would feel yelling for your hubby (or another loved one) coming into the bathroom, finding you butt naked, rolling around in an empty tub. It wasn’t fun, and at first very embarrassing, however, as your pregnancy continues you will very quickly realize there are 101 more things to be embarrassed about… trust me. The bathtub will be the least of your worries.

My second pregnancy I got stuck a little less in the tub but I did get stuck somewhere else... this time a little more embarrassing because it was a lot more public.

Our summer was about eight million and seven degrees (especially pregnant) so my sister and I took our boys to the small waterpark/playground close to our house. Mr.D has always been more afraid than not of slides, so when he asks you to go down the slide with him, you go down that slide. He of course chose the tallest, twisty, and NARROW slide at the playground. We climbed to the top and he sat in front of me, the second we started going down I knew it was the biggest mistake a person could possibly do at 8.5 months pregnant. We immediately got stuck, and rather than helping, my sister just peed her pants laughing and filming me. Although, I too was laughing super hard... which in turn actually made it harder to try and shimmy down this aluminum slide of shame. It took way longer to get down the dumb thing, and my back and hips killed when we were finally released. My poor son just hanging on to dear life, it was ridiculous and hilarious.

So there we have it, two separate pregnancies and two very different places I have gotten stuck :)

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